Teach Me to Walk in the Light

I have closed my eyes so tightly that, for a second, I see little sparks of lightning dancing under my clenched eyelids. I listen for the sound of a sword blade swinging down upon me, but the sound does not come. I wait. My body quakes with fear. Anticipation mounts. I feel like a mouse which is being played with by a cat before its swift demise. I want to lift my head. I want to look. I have to know, but I am not sure I have the strength. Fear has leeched all mobility from my muscles.

"Go ahead. Look at me," Little Lizard King's voice floats down to me as if he has read my mind.

I can find no words to reply. My head will not obey me. I want to look. I want to know what is going on past the ineffectual defense that my eyelids and folded arms make. Then I feel two gentle hands warming my elbows as they rest there.

"Come on, Bellabooo. Open your eyes," LLK's voice is soft and as friendly as always.

I drop my arms slowly and let my eyes flutter open. I see warmth and concern in the depths of his dark eyes. He smiles at me, showing his tiny lizard teeth. I can not bring myself to smile back.

"Did you really believe that I would hurt you?"

"Well, no," I reply, though as the word falls from my lips, I am not certain now of exactly how I felt in the moment.

"It is important to believe in yourself, Bellabooo. If you don't how can you hope to make a difference? If you don't believe in yourself, how can anyone else?"

Wisdom seems to pour from him so easily, as kindness does. I am surprised now that I could have ever been afraid. Surely, it was the sword I feared. Yet that sword was in his hands, and so much has not been the way I had thought it was.

"So are you ready to get some practice defending your head?"

I nod, but do not speak. LLK smiles at me and suddenly a long staff appears in his hand, "I think we'll start off with this."

She hands me the staff and moves to a panel on the wall where she punches in a code. The lights I had noticed before come on, shooting little colored circles to the floor. Mesmerized, I watch the circles dancing.

"The circles of light are to help you position yourself. The blue circles are where your toes should be, the green circles are where your elbows should be, and the red circles are where your hands should be. This is how you are supposed to hold the staff." I just stare at him, confused, as he positions my hands on the staff and pushes my toes to line up with the dots. As he gets me positioned correctly, the dots move and he positions me again.

"Even when you don't have someone to help you, you can use the automated system to help you get the feel for the right positioning. The power for blocking and attacking comes from your whole body not just your hands and arms. A lot of people don't seem to realize that. Right now, I can help you, but I wanted to make sure you got a feel for how the dots work."

He moves back across the room and hits a few more buttons. The dots stop their slow dance across the floor. I watch him as he moves back to the center of the floor to face me. Once more, he produces a staff as if by magic. The thought makes me smile because somehow it seems that the powers the knuggs give us are a sort of magic. I wonder if I will ever be able to control mine with such fluid grace and confidence.

He catches me smiling and smiles back at me before becoming serious again. The lesson continues. I think I realize now why William asked LLK to help me get used to the arena. As he is about my size, I am able to follow his movements fairly easily. Of course, I know he is going easy on me to let me get a handle on things, but I feel compelled to push myself harder. I don't want to be coddled like a small child when my childhood has ended definitively.

The sweat is pouring from me. I can feel it trickling down my back and soaking through my clothes. As I raise staff again, LLK smiles at me, "I think you've had enough of the arena for today."

"But I have so much to learn," I reply.

"Yes, but pushing yourself won't make you learn any faster. You'll just wear yourself out," he cautions.

"Trust me, you'll thank me in the morning."

"Adults always say that," I reply.

"Yes, they do, don't they?" Little Lizard King says, sticking his tongue out to mock me.

His tongue flicks outward, grabbing the staff from my hand. I gasp in astonishment, before finding words to speak, "Lizards can't do that, can they?"

"As I know you have begun to notice, there is more to me than meets the eye," LLK replies with a wink, and the beautiful woman's face is smiling at me again, "And more to you, too, I imagine."