Everything Aches

Pain seems to have taken over every nuance of my being. Even the wounds on my face have erupted into new pain. Somehow I have grown used to them, but as I come into consciousness, a flicker of the pain that burned my face right after the vase shattered has been rekindled. All of my muscles feel like they are made of lead. I can not move from my bed. I can barely turn my head to look out the window. Not that it was worth to effort, I realize when I succeed. Now I am watching the rain falling outside. Darkness looms around the building. I can almost imagine that it will come for me like it does in my nightmares.

I don't have long to think about this before there is a knock on the door. I struggle to get up from the bed and stumble toward the door on wobbly legs. I pull the door open and lean against it as I face my early morning visitor. William stands just outside the door with a tray of food in one hand and a bottle of chewable aspirin in the other.

"Good morning, Bellabooo," he says, with a smile, "Little Lizard King thought you might need these to help you start your day. She tells me that you were eager to get the hang of the arena yesterday."

I mumble my assent as he hands me the tray of food. I stare down at the eggs on the plate suspiciously. The last time I checked, fried eggs were not supposed to be speckled with that much black. The edges are brown and crispy, however, and he brought a couple of slices of toast to soak up the egg yolk, so I decide not to comment. I sit down at my desk to eat as he follows me into the room and sits down on the floor. He folds his long legs under him and smiles up at me, as I bite into the egg which tastes more eating a greasy ball of pepper than an egg.

As he produces a bottle of milk and tosses it to me, I notice that he is wearing a pair of dark pants with a million pockets and a dark colored sweater instead of his usual suit. I open the milk and take a drink to wash away some of the pepper before inquiring, "No suit today?"

"Nope," he says with a secretive smile, "Some days I get to go on missions that require more stealth and less diplomacy."

"Oh," I reply, a little confused and not willing to admit to that, "Well, I have just never seen you in anything besides a suit."

Then it hits me that LLK could have taken me to breakfast this morning, or I could have easily found the cafeteria for myself. I am busily chewing on one of the aspirin at this point, so I have to finish it before I open my mouth to speak, "Am I part of that mission?"

"No, don't be silly. I just got in from a mission this morning and didn't have time to change. I thought I would make you breakfast and bring you the good news," he replies as I notice the redness around his eyes and come to the realization that he is older than I had originally thought.

"Good news?" I ask, trying to sound more interested than I feel.

"Yes. We've enrolled you in public school."

My nose scrunches up with distaste, "That's good news?"

"Well, not in and of itself, but it is the doorway to better news. We've found a new location for your parents to live. You'll get to spend time with them during your summer break. That is if your grades are good. That was your father's idea, not ours," he says.

"You've talked to daddy?" I say, feeling myself melting into the little girl that I grow weary of being.

"Of course, we want them to know you're being cared for. Your parents both love you and miss you," he replies.

"I want to talk to daddy, too," I say.

"You'll get to, but not right now," he says, shifting slightly as I feel tears of rage pooling up in my eyes.

He tucks my tiny fists into his huge hands as he rises to his knees, "Hey, I know you miss your daddy, but you have to be strong. You know that's what he would want."

His voice speaks of something else, but I can not find the words of the question in my heart or the voice to speak. The tears come again and he wraps his arms around my shoulders, "Quiet, darling girl, quiet. You have another family here now. In the meantime, I think it's time to get you ready for your first day at your new school. Don't you want to make some new friends to play with?"

"No," I say petulantly, "I want to speak to my father."

"One step at a time, Bellabooo. We have to make sure Decay can not find them or you. I know you know this. Your patience will be rewarded," he draws away so that his dark eyes can probe into mine, "You do believe me, don't you."

I can only nod my assent. The fight in me has died away. Only the dull ache of missing my parents is left where it was. I do not understand why all of this is happening. I find myself back in that cycle of questioning whether this is all some terrible nightmare. When children dream of having powers, we never imagine that it could have its drawbacks. I want to be normal. I want to be anything but what I am, as long as it means I can go back to the life I know. That life is lost to me now. My connection to normalcy now is those hours I will spend outside of the academy in a public school.

William begins speaking again. He counsels me not to tell anyone of the academy or of my ability. He tells me to try not to draw too much attention to myself with my answers to their questions. Keep my answers simple and vague, but don't lie. He reminds me that the wounds on my face will probably draw attention, but I should not let it get to me. Then he releases my shoulders and takes my hand, "Ready to go?"

I nod and let him lead me down the hall and down the stairs. As we walk out into the downpour, I find myself more aware of all the pain in me. I am aware of the gashes on my face as they slowly heal to become scars. I am reminded of the soreness of my muscles. I can not escape the empty void of my heart. The gloom of the stormy morning encases me, threatening to wash away anything I love. Reflexively, I drop William's hand as we walk under the awning toward a small black car that is parked in front of the building. Everything in me aches and no pain killer known to man will ever be able to make the ache go away.