The Wish a Poet Makes

I awake to find myself lying on my bed in my room at the academy again. Each one of my hands is being gently held and massaged. Leda has claimed the left hand and Neesa has claimed the right. Behind them Edifier and LLK seem to be discussing something, but their voices are so low that I can't hear any of their words Neesa smiles at me as my eyes open. Her eyes observe me intently, reflecting a mother's worry and pain.

Leda releases my hand and leans over to kiss my forehead, "Bella, darling, are you okay?"

"No, go away," I say sullenly.

She looks as if I have just slapped her. I pull my hand out of Neesa's hand and repeat myself, "Go away, all of you."

Neesa's smile wavers for a moment and then disappears completely, "Baby Bella, I know you're hurting..."

"I'm not a baby. Go away," I repeat.

I can feel rage rising in me. I can't tell them that the rage is not really directed at them. I just want them to all go away before something terrible happens to them. Surely, they see that William would still be alive if I had not cared about him, and he had not been trying to protect me.

"You're right, you're not a baby, Bella," Neesa agrees finally, observing me with moist eyes.

I stare at her, waiting for her to go on. She just looks at me, taking a few steps backward toward the door and opening it a crack. She crooks her finger at someone just outside the door. No one enters. She motions again and Word Game meows plaintively and bounds into the room as if she has just been released. She bounces onto my bed, greeting me by firmly licking my eyebrows before trying to push my head off of my own pillow.

I blink, realizing that I haven't seen my present from Big Ogre in what equates to forever in my young mind. I look at Neesa questioningly, temporarily forgetting my desire to force them all away before they are injured in trying to save me. She is still peering out of the half-opened door. My eyes follow hers. As my eyes rest on the edge of the door, a little girl stumbles through the doorway.

"This is a baby," Neesa says softly, looking down at the toddler with moist eyes, "She still has hope to match her innocence."

The little girl turns bright brown eyes to look at me. Her golden hair wafts thinly past her ears as she surveys me. Then her eyes focus on Word Game and she grins, an impish grin with a huge gap where her front teeth should be.

"Kitty," she coos as Neesa scoops her up and snuggles her close to her face.

"Yes, kitty, and Bellabooo. Baby Bella this is Baby Triangel. She's been enjoying looking after Word Game for you," Neesa says bringing the little girl over to the bed.

She sets Triangel down next to me. Triangel begins petting Word Game, smiling at me sweetly, "Thank you, Bella. I love your kitty."

She's so sweet and innocent and unaware of the terrors that await her in this world, especially if she is Neesa's daughter and thus has inherited whatever curse makes us the keepers and protectors of knuggs. She does resemble an angel despite her imperfect grin. I find myself almost smiling at her, but then the terror and foreboding in me overwhelms me again. I cry out, gently pushing both her and Word Game toward the edge of the bed.

"You'll just die if I love you. You'll all die," I scream, turning to look at Neesa and Leda.

Even LLK and Edifier stop talking to look at me. Then they look at each other, worried looks crossing their faces as they step through the open door and close it, but not before they both cast pitying looks in my direction. Neesa steps toward the bed as Triangel slips toward the floor, catching her in gentle arms as the wee one bursts into confused tears.

Triangel turns her face up to Neesa, her lips pouting noticeably, "Sorry, momma."

"It's not you, honey. Bellabooo is just too young to understand..."

I am screaming now, "I am not too young, not anymore. I am not too young. I wish I were. GET OUT!!!!!!!!"

"Bella, honey," Leda says, trying to put her arms around me.

I shrug her off like a heavy coat when entering a warm room, slipping off of the bed and grabbing Bounder from the shelf as I back myself into a corner facing all of them. I hold Bounder close to my heart, knowing that he, at least, is safe from death if I love him.

Leda approaches me again, but Neesa reaches out a hand to restrain her, "Let's let her grieve, Leda."

She looks at me for a moment, cradling Triangel who has buried her crying eyes in her mother's shoulder. To me she says, "I hope you feel better in the morning, Baby Bella. We'll have something sent up for dinner."

I watch them walking out the door, willing myself not to regret it, but I do. The door has barely clicked closed when the tears come. I lean back into the corner, clutching Bounder's ragged body to my own battered form. I am still clutching him to me when another young superdude comes with a tray of food. She looks at me sadly and quickly beats a retreat as I glare up at her. I don't touch the food, but as the sun slips away and darkness creeps into my room, I feel my way to the bed and snuggle into the sheets.

In the darkness, my own voice surprises me, falling on my ears in hollow metered syllables,

"Always too young to face the minions of Decay,
Can't wait to be a woman, one more day."

The words are already off of my tongue before I give them conscious thought. I can not take them back. I look down, but there is no change in me. Maybe, maybe when I awake in the morning, all of this will hurt less and it will prove to be just a dream.